I’ll Never Be the Same


They named her Eisley, and they loved her fiercely and prayed for her continually before she was ever even conceived. We all did.

When she finally arrived, she was soft and snuggly, with sweet dark eyes and downy brown hair and rosy pink lips. She was sleepy and wiggly and hardly ever fussed.

She had ten long, beautiful fingers and ten perfect toes. We all wondered. Would she be a pianist, a basketball player? Her daddy, our son, said he would teach her the guitar.

She loved to stretch out her little legs, mostly one at a time, and looked mildly comical when she did it. She smiled. A lot. The experts say it’s gas, but her grandparents knew better.

How could one little seven pound baby enter the world and change it so effortlessly? I have no idea, but she did it. It was love at first sight for everyone who met her.

Who knew she would leave our lives almost as suddenly as she entered them, because of a failure in the adoption system?

Although I’ll probably never see her again until Heaven and she’ll probably never even know I exist, I’ll never be the same again. I’ll think of her and pray for her and love her for the rest of my life. And one day down the road, when the pain subsides and I have hindsight on my side, I know I’ll thank the Lord for those precious ten days with Eisley.

“For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.” Lamentations 3:33.

When you decide to surrender your life to the Lord, it’s not as easy as some may think. It’s a life of yielding and trusting and submitting. The Lord will do things in your life that make absolutely no sense. In fact, sometimes His ways seem punishing. That’s where the faith comes in. You trust Him even when it may go against your better judgment.

But when you’ve tasted His love and grace and mercy, there’s no other option. You don’t want to live life without Him. So you just trust Him and try to make it through another day. That’s where I am right now. But I know, without a shadow of a doubt, He loves me and is with me and one day, I’ll thank Him for even this.

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